Why do Assholes Gotta be Assholes?

First please allow me to preface this blog with a warning.  I tend to cuss, a lot, especially if I’m angry.  And as you can tell by the title of this blog I will most likely be cussing quite a bit in this post.  So, if you are one of  those people that don’t like curse words, either don’t read on OR replace the curse words with words like dang it, darn, stupid head, etc…

So – the question of the day: Why do Assholes Gotta be Assholes?

Are we born assholes, or are we molded into assholes by our parents and our surroundings as we grow up?  I’ve never really met a baby and thought, “That baby is a real asshole.”  Asshole-ness, as I’ve observed it, begins around the age of 4 or 5.  I babysat just about every kid in my neighborhood growing up and there were a few kids that I would only sit for if I was really hard up for some cash.  Looking back, it’s because those kids were assholes.  A triat that I try desperately hard to not instill in my own precious children.

Is it the parents?  Sometimes, I would say yes.  In my experience, douche-baggyness tends to be a heriditary thing.  But, I have met some douchebags who have perfectly nice, charming parents.  Is it because they have a chip on their shoulder?  Who knows?  Again, I’ve met people carrying around an entire Mt. Everest worth of chips, but refrain from being an asshole.

I guess, just like the mystery of the tootsie roll pop, the answer to the question “Why do Assholes Gotta be Assholes?”, the answer very well may be that, “The world may never know”.

Until then, I’ll just try to steer clear of them, because trouble with assholes can really fuck up your day.

Why my Best Friend is Awesome OR I’m Not Really a Mercenary

Before I decided to venture out and make this new little blog of mine public, I solicited the advice of my husband and two good friends who I knew would give me honest feedback.  Which on my part, I thought was smart because they also wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings and if they did hate it, they would still tell me they liked it. See – it’s a win-win.

The hubs said he liked it, although he had some constructive feedback on the mercenary part (we’ll get to that later, see second title).  One friend read it and then loved it so much he forgot to give me feedback until I asked about it. But that’s OK, he’s been working really hard lately so I’ll let it slide (for now, ;-)).  And my BFF wrote me an awesome email:

#1 I like it.
#2 I will follow you.
#3 I also find Old Navy disappointing although I always seem to enter with so much hope.
#4 I would still be your BFF if you were a mercenary and I can think of some instances where it might really come in handy.  We will talk more about this over wine and face to face.  I sometimes wish my hands were deadly weapons.  Instead, I suspect, if I swung at someone, I would probably miss. 
#5 It’s PPS (post post script)
 
So shout out to my best friend, she’s awesome and her email was totally the highlight of my day yesterday. I wish we lived closer together and that we could have more talks with wine and face to face.
 
Now on to my husband’s feedback.  I’ll try to recall our conversation for you:
 
Him: “Hmm… you shouldn’t have put that you aren’t really a mercenary in the PS.”
Me: “Why not, what kind of professional mercenary would admit to being a mercenary in a blog?” 
Him: “What kind of professional mercenary would have a blog?”
Me: “I would, it would be the first of it’s kind. And dammit, that’s what I should have called my blog, Mercenary Mommy, let me see if it’s already taken…”
Me: After checking to see if Mercenary Mommy is an available blog name “Shit – it is taken!
Him: “Well, I don’t think a mercenary would admit to being a mercenary on a blog.  I mean, don’t they usually have aliases and fake jobs and stuff? It would be more believable that you weren’t without the PS, because now it looks like you spilled the beans or something and are trying to cover it up.
Me: “But that’s why I put that I’m not really a mercenary in the PS. Because people would expect that a real mercenary would try to cover their tracks.  But now I made it so obvious that I am not, because a real mercenary would cover their tracks better than that, and probably wouldn’t have put it into the blog in the first place.” pause “Because I’m a smart mercenary, see.”
 
Let me just end this by clarifying that this is not an actual recounting of the conversation, and that most of it is probably made up.  True, he did give me the feedback about the PS, but the rest I think I made up in my head.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell.  I’ve been working really hard lately, too. (At being a mercenary… it’s a tough job…or is it??)

Who am I???

Welcome reader, if you have stumbled upon my blog.  “Shan’s Blog” if you will…  Lame name, I know, I am completely aware, trust me. But all the cool names are already taken. Well, correction, I’m sure there are cool names that are yet to exist, but I couldn’t think of one and the cool ones I could think of were already taken.  It’s like when you go to the store (insert whatever your favorite store is here) searching for an item that you saw in In Style (or GQ if you’re a guy, not that a guy wouldn’t be searching for something from In Style, my husband has for me, but I digress…) and they have that exact item in every size but the size you need.

Ugh, so frustrating.  Happened to me today in Old Navy – I’ve avoided Old Navy for probably two years because nothing there ever seems to fit me right, but I got a wild hair today and thought I would try. I’ve noticed lately that this fall they are emulating J Crew, my most favoritest store ever (but not at my most favoritest prices, yikes they are proud of their shit), so i walked in.  And, surprisingly, they had a lot of really cute stuff.  But not one size 6 or 8 to be found.  NOT ONE.  It was like all the size 6 or 8 bitches in San Antonio had hit up Old Navy before I had.  So what I’m realizing as I’m writing this is that I have had a disappointing day.  Not one of the things I wanted was available.  What a bummer, man.

OK, so – in reading about this whole blogging thing, the “experts” say that your blog should have an “identity”.  But, I guess that I am having a bit of an identity crisis, because I don’t want to blog about just fashion, or home decor, or being a mom, or my adventures in being a mercenary. I want it to be about everything I could possibly want it to be about, leaving this poor blog with the lame name wondering… “Who am I?”

Hopefully you’ll stick with me as I figure this thing out.

-Shan

PS – I’m not really a mercenary.

PPS – Or is it PSS?

PPPS/PSSS – Don’t judge me by my page decor – I’m changing it once I figure out how. (Update – as of 9/27 I figured out how. Like the look?)