I have a very wise friend who has a theory about “reset buttons”. It goes something like this:
Along this journey we call life; we are presented with reset buttons, an opportunity to reset the direction in which our life is headed. These can come in many forms; a new job, the chance to get healthier, a break-up, a marriage, the decision to have children… It’s up to us to decide if we are ready and willing, and have the courage to press “Reset”.
I’ve had a large reset button looming in front of me for a while now. And yesterday, I finally mustered up the courage to press it. And I’m so much happier now that I have.
Yesterday I made the very difficult decision to leave my current employer. A job that I love. A career that I love. Coworkers that I love. A very stable paycheck, that let’s face it, I love. But, in the end, I love my family more. I love me more.
Kids are little mirrors of their parents. About a month ago, I was working on my laptop at home and my oldest was playing “Mommy”. The whole time she was playing “Mommy” she had her cell phone out (my old blackberry), was checking her email and holding conference calls, she had a little doll out and she would tell it things like “hold on baby, Mommy’s working”. It was cute at first, and then I became horrified. Horrified that her image of me, was an image of a Mommy that was always working. Even when I wasn’t “working”.
My job (for one more month, anyway) is very demanding, and unfortunately the nature of the role requires that I spend a lot of time away from the people I love most in this world. But I found that even when I was with them, I wasn’t “present” with them. My mind was on my work, and I was resenting myself and my work for becoming so all-consuming. For allowing myself to let “what I do for a living” define “who I am as a person”.
So, with that in mind, I decided it was time to “Reset”. Control-Alt-Delete myself, so to speak. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m confidant I’ll be a happier me and therefore a better Mommy, Wife, Sister, Daughter and Friend. And that sounds pretty darn good.