For the past few months, maybe even years, I’ve been living under a haze. And this haze was hiding the real me; from my friends, from my family, even from myself.
In the past, I’d be in the front row of the tallest, scariest roller coaster. You couldn’t keep me from jumping off the cliffs at the lake. My Dad once gave me the gift of getting to ride in a NASCAR car going 200 miles per hour, and while it was awesome, my next question was, “When can I drive it?”
Under this haze, I found that I became this slow-lane driving, NPR listening (although there is really nothing wrong with NPR, they have good programming), non-roller coaster riding person that I just didn’t recognize anymore. But for the first time in I don’t know how long, I’m beginning to feel like “me” once again.
I’m starting slow… I’ve re-found the joy of blaring my music so loud that I can’t hear well for the first 30 minutes after getting out of my car, and I’m finding my way back to the fast lane (which, when you drive a bus-like vehicle with a grill guard, people will get out of your way). My 15 minute drive to work is becoming fun again.
This morning I actually hopped out of bed. Literally. Hopped. Was it because I couldn’t wait to get to work? Hell no. I just was excited to start my day and see what it held in store for me.
Much of this has come since I made the decision to begin a new career as a Mommy, a decision that I am very proud of myself for making. And now, it’s ridiculous to me that I was letting my career keep me in this haze. Work wasn’t to blame. I was, for not having my priorities straight. I’m the one that made the decision to let work take over my personal life. I’m the one that said, “Sure, I’ll have that conference call on my way in to work.” I’m finally taking the initiative to sort my priorities out. And it feels good. I realize now that beginning this little blog was the inner me, screaming to get out. It’s time I started listening, and practicing what I preach.
I know that I’ll have to still continue with being responsible, I am a Mom after all, and I will still be working on projects here and there (‘cuz I still gots to make money) but that doesn’t mean that the carefree me has to disappear entirely. In fact, I pledge to not let it. I’m quite enjoying this old me.
PS – For those of you who have followed me along in this journey, I can’t promise that this is the last introspective post I’ll make, but thanks for putting up with me as I’ve been looking for myself.
PPS – Another reason to be happy – today I’m wearing the dress I graduated college in (a classic black dress never goes out of style), and not only am I thrilled that I can actually wear it (because I couldn’t there for a while), I daresay I may even look better in it now than I did then… nice…