Most people’s homes are not clean enough for me.
I realize that statement is an incredibly bitchy statement to make. But, I say that while also acknowledging that my own home is not clean enough for me. I mean our house is pretty damn clean, like most homes, but… Clean enough for me is like Elle Decor clean. Like, “i’m afraid to touch anything it’s so clean” clean. Like, “this bathroom is too clean to take a crap in” clean. The kind of clean that only the homes that nobody actually lives in, yet has a staff of at least 10 can attain.
I come from a long line of cleaners. “Wipers” my grandfather calls us. We all clean even while in conversation. Think about how you hold yourself, how you sit or stand, what you do with your hands while you’re in comfortable conversation. My family tends to clean; sort papers, wipe tabletops or countertops, if there’s something to be picked up we’ll do so, all while in conversation with each other. We do it subconsciously… I’ve noticed this in both my mother and father’s sides. So it’s in my genes to be a cleaner.
The fact that my own home does not meet my incredibly high standards of cleanliness is slightly shaming to me. Ok saying “slightly” is an understatement. It drives me crazy and that is why I feel the need to clean all the time. This is probably some form of OCD. (Speaking of OCD – does anyone watch Girls? I love that show. I used to not love it, but then it grew on me and now I love it. The season 2 finale was so good. Anything HBO puts on Sunday I pretty much love. It’s not TV, it’s HBO.) Despite my OCDness about my home’s cleanliness and appearance; I also want my home to feel lived in and welcoming. I want my guests to feel comfortable sitting down and drinking a beer, visiting, eating… And believe it or not I want you to feel comfortable using our bathrooms, too. (Although please do try to save the crap for your own home – as a courtesy to others… If you have to, there’s a candle. Light it.)
So if you ever do visit my house there are a few things I can promise you. 1) It’ll be pretty clean (especially given notice). 2) You are welcome to sit and chill wherever you like (except our bedroom, that’s just weird). 3) At some point I will probably clean up after you. This will come in the form of straightening couch cushions, wiping the table or countertop where you were sitting, putting a chair back under a table… Don’t freak out when it happens. I mean nothing by it…