PREFACE: So by the title alone you’re probably gonna be able to judge if you even want to read this post. I read it to my husband and his best friend (our frequent house-guest), and they both thought it was too much… a girl talking about poop so candidly. Which makes me think that means it’s just pure awesomeness. So – if you appreciate a good poo – read on. If not, this one probably isn’t for you… (Seth, this one is for you.)
I realize that this is my second poo related post in a row. But here’s the thing… I’m all about the poop. Not only is poop funny – poop is hilarious, I mean really, you guys can’t act like Mr. Hanky didn’t crack your shit up – poop is also one of the ways in which my body manifests stress.
I’m one of those people who when stressed out, their body completely betrays them. I break out, my hair decides that no matter what it can not and will not allow itself to be fixed properly, and I have the constant runs (IBS like a motherfucker).
When I left the 8-5 gig in favor of becoming a stay-at-home mommy/self employed, it was AMAZING. Stress fell off of me in waves. The added bonus – my hair looked awesome, my face was the clearest it’s been since I was like 7 and I have got to tell you – I have never been more regular in my life. I understood why all those women were all about the Activia – without having to eat Activia.
But as time has passed, I’ve found that my new life comes with it’s own set of stressors. And that my body, in true form, is responding…
Pimples – check
Hair issues – check
Poo Issues – check
But it’s different than before. Now I am finding that I can’t poop. Is it a sign of age? Is it my new diet? Is it that I actually eat meals now? (Before I lived on a steady diet of bananas, yogurt and Dr. Pepper – the only things I found acceptable to eat from our cafeteria. The people who worked in there were really cool, though.) Whatever it is – I don’t like it. Because I don’t like literally being full of shit. Being full of shit puts me in a bad mood, and I am not the most pleasant of people to be around when I am in a bad mood (who is? but really, I get quite bitchy).
Today I pooped for the first time in two days, and my mood instantly lifted. It’s amazing what a good poo can do for you.
P.S. Sorry to any of you who interacted with me today before 8pm. I was not on my A-game.
P.P.S. I promise I won’t post about poop again. For a while.
P.P.P.S. I still don’t want you to take a crap in my toilet unless you really have to. And if so, please just observe the proper decorum. Light a match.